Attachment and Dissociation

Read an article this morning about attachment issues being the starting point of dissociation. This article discussed how a mom that is emotionally unavailable to her child can cause these attachment issues, and then active abuse knocks the child into the realm of dissociation. I thought of my mom, and how our joke is that "the mom is always the problem" and then I thought of me as a mom, and wondered about my own children. Then the wondering stops. I'm wearing a Spider Man band-aid today, as I cut my finger (not on purpose.) Luke got them for me, thinking I'd enjoy having more Spider Man. I think that's incredibly thoughtful and I love the band-aids and I love him. I marvel at his capacity to reach across the dark realms and connect with almost all parts of me. I don't think he is even aware that he does this. I have attached to him. I can trace this attachment from the drug-induced young lusty total capitulation we had in the first years to an anxiety-ridden on again/off again attachment we had for a number of years. Then there was a superficial attachment phase when the parts of me tested, tested, tested and "love" was experimented with through layers of protective parts. Something died, eventually, to leave the flame of my spirit exposed to his love, and the flame did not extinguish. I attached, as did all of us, with a rare trust. I never attached like this before, not to my mother or my father, not to anyone. I thought I was unable to do it. But I did.